Adios 2012

Todd asked me other day if I still blogged. I said yes, but then I reminded him that sometimes I write when I'm feeling blue, because it's cathartic. I have taken to writing in a private journal, because my inner thoughts and struggles are not best documented for the public...believe me, you do NOT want to read about them :)

But I digress. I don't want to do a best of, or top 10 post for 2012, mostly because I'm frankly quite ready to move on from 2012. However, I was able to make a scattered list of our top moments from the year--as well as a few of our lows. Thanks to Wordle, here are our "words" of 2012.

We certainly did have a lot of wonderful experiences this year, although it definitely wouldn't make my personal "best years EVER!" list! Probably the best things were involvement in the Kansas City cultural celebration, that moment of complete joy when we read Todd had passed the bar, and my new job, which reminded me that I could love teaching again. And truly, some of the best moments have been the smallest moments: reading on the couch next to Todd, laughing with friends at work, watching the snow fall outside.

I don't make resolutions, but there are some things I am hopeful for in the coming year.

Things I wish for in 2013:


1. Girls trip! I am in serious need of some Mom/Sister time. We are hoping to spend some of that time in NYC :)





2. Enjoy my calling more. I am slowly getting there. I love the kids part, but the administration part has been a challenge. I am so grateful for those moments I get to sit next to the Sunbeams and hear all of the hilarious things they say, totally unrelated and random, in the middle of a Primary song. I love my counselors, and I would die if I had to do this alone. But I don't have to!




3. Keep remembering that my worth is not based on the number of children I will have. This is hard. I can do it. In not so gentle words, I am going to kick this trial in the face :) I am going to remember who I truly am, and I am going to be grateful for what I DO have, and try to spend less time sad about what I don't have.




Happy New Year!

Grateful

I have been fairly absent from the blog these past few months. I think that happens as "free time" ebbs and flows, but also because sometimes I like to include photographic evidence of things we have done. And don't get me wrong, we have done things, but nothing we felt deserved grabbing the camera out of the office and taking a picture of it. We are not the most photogenic people to begin with!

Manhattan has been a trial for us. And I guess I should be slightly more specific by saying that it is not the town. But several things that tend to be vital to happiness overall have caused some emotional aches and pains in our household, and we have been working through those things.

Everyday I am grateful for my husband. We were talking today about how when you are dating, it is human tendency to ignore misgivings or "red flags" and just go with it because you are blinded by love.  I spoke about how lucky I was, because regardless of that blindness, I turned out to snag a pretty awesome guy. I have been so blessed these past 6.5 years. Whatever twists and turns life takes, I know I have a partner along for the ride. Sometimes he is the one doing the supporting, and sometimes it is my turn to support him. But I'm grateful Heavenly Father has blessed us in this support system of ours. It has made these difficult times so much sweeter.

Instead of a pulling apart, as happens to some people faced with difficult circumstances, these trials have brought us together. We've been blessed with an extra 20 minute ride to and from church, that some may see as a burden, but we have had some of our best talks on these drives to Wamego. We've been blessed to be able to attend the temple, and feel the peace only the temple can bring. We've poured out our hearts in prayer, and have recognized Heavenly Father's hand in things that may once have seemed small, but are now hugely important.

We've been sheltered from the wants and expectations of the world. It may sound silly, but very rarely do we feel that urge to have to "keep up with the Joneses." (Okay, MAYBE except for an occasional conversation about crappy cell phones or cute boots). We feel very little pressure to have the latest "this" or do the latest "that" because we've had to stick to the barest needs. It's not always easy, but it has been VERY good for our marriage. So I don't have a giant, organized craft room. So we don't have a huge TV. So our cars are each over 10 year old. So we have to rent our apartment. So what?? What is really important? What should our priorities really be? We are currently being humbled, and what a stretch it is, it's hard!

I've been a given a new calling that will push me to serve others. I wanted that opportunity, and Heavenly Father is giving it to me. He is helping me recognize that my desire to serve starts in my own community and ward. Someday, Todd and I hope to be able to return to Central and South America to learn from the humble people there again, and hopefully serve a senior mission. But step by step, we will get there!

If we got to plan our lives, I HIGHLY doubt we would have put ourselves here. And I am learning that is probably for the better. Heavenly Father has a plan for us that exceeds what we would choose for ourselves. What we THINK is the best for us is obviously not what he would have us do. Deciding to quit dragging our feet and feeling a sense of loss for what we wanted to happen is helping us see our blessings.  So above, when I talked about things vital to happiness, well, maybe there are things more important to happiness that what we thought originally.

So, I didn't mean to get so heavy! That's just the way the words came out. But I am excited to see where this new path we are on takes us, even if it's not where we wanted to go.

And we are doing fun things, just not taking pictures of them :) Trips to Salina, Kansas City, eating out, playing tennis, watching movies, checking out the Discovery Center, watching football games, etc. We have a good life!

Cool Manhattan Things

*our 2nd counselor in our stake presidency is a cowboy. With a ranch. and cattle. And a cowboy accent. AWESOME!

*the only back roads to get home from work involve bumpy, dirt roads. my car needs a bath.

*Lots of girls wear cowboy boots to work and you can always find a cowboy hat in a truck driving down the road.

*the smell of cows drifts over our apartments sometimes (I know this seems gross, but it reminds me of home a little bit!)

*the radio DJ's get real excited about hunting season.

I like my country-fied town :)

The Power of Prayer

I sat down to blog tonight about my thoughts on conference, but I got sidetracked. I wondered if the Kansas City Temple page was still up that they used to post announcements for the cultural celebration. It is, and I ended up spending some time reading the Little Miracles PDF that had been put together for President Monson to take back with him to SLC after the celebration. I was even pleased to see that one of the youth from my new stake, a girl I work with in YW, had contributed a "small miracle" to the booklet :) I have been so blessed to get to work with the young women in Topeka and Manhattan.

What led to this diversion? This morning, President Monson recounted the story of the failing Jumbotron that occurred prior to the temple celebration.

I was so blessed to be there, in that moment he spoke of. As I finished herding kids from the 2nd floor down to the huge green room, I stayed up on the balcony, and I was able to look down and see 3,100 youth kneeling down in prayer--to pray over a piece of machinery that was putting a huge snafu in the plans to rehearse on the stage.

The room was silent, for the first time in hours. That room had been a constant scene of movement and youthful noise. I had been running around, just trying to be useful, and right then, everyone had stopped. I couldn't help but open my eyes and take a peek in the middle of the prayer. I don't think I have ever been in a room with 3,000 people kneeling on the ground to pray. It was a powerful--and fleeting--moment. As soon as the prayer was over, the directors quickly moved on to check on progress. An hour later, we were back in business. I didn't hear until later, that the fix for the Jumbotron was described as "dumb luck" by the technicians.

We all knew better :)

Excited

What a crazy few weeks this has been. I have been running around like a chicken with her head cut off for work, and there are a lot of things going on I won't talk about here. But I'm so grateful conference is coming up...it feels like a giant sigh of relief!

And I am SO SO excited for this weekend's fall weather! We are pulling out the taco soup recipes and the cozy sweatshirts. October is my all-time favorite month of the year (I like December too!), and I'm ready!

Welcome to Holland

When I went to Time Out for Women last year, one of the women spoke about this story, told by Emily Perl Kingsley, who has a child with Down Syndrome. It really resonated with me at the time.

Last night, at the cultural activity, one of the members of the stake created an instrumental piece for his middle/high school band groups, which was inspired by her story. As a recording of the piece played, the story was narrated, along with pictures.

Here is the story:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reservedI am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

So, what does this have to do with me?

Last night, as I listened to the story again, I felt the way Emily did, except my circumstances are different. For me, Holland is not a child with Down's Syndrome, but instead, it's not having children. I really, really want to be in Italy, but I'm learning that Holland is not a terrible place, it's just different. It's not disgusting or filthy...it even has it's own Rembrandts (being able to go someplace whenever you want, whether it's the grocery store or Brazil), it has tulips (being able to work and help our financial situation), and windmills (spending a lot of time with my husband). My whole life I thought I would end up in Italy, but Holland isn't so bad. And people will brag about Italy, and that will be hard for me, and I will feel that loss for as long as this is my trial. But, if I spend all my time feeling sad about Italy, like Emily says, I will forget to enjoy all of the wonderful things about Holland.

So here's to Holland!

Week of Sept. 10th

This week FLEW by!

Todd and I have been trying to work out for the past few weeks. Up until recently, we had been working out when we got home from work. There were a few cons to this: 1) I was starving by the time I got home. It takes me 35 minutes to get from work to home, plenty of time to work up an appetite! 2) We were both really tired after work. 3) We wouldn't get home at the same time, so the person who was left waiting at home got less and less motivated as time passed.

I decided that I wanted to try getting up early in the morning to work out. Todd already gets up pretty early to do his scripture study, so I knew it wouldn't be a problem for him. Me? A WHOLE 'NOTHER STORY! I HATE getting up early. I despise being up before sunrise. But I felt like it would be so much better to get it over with.

So last week, we started. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we woke up early and did our 30-minute workout. It was hard, but it felt SO GOOD to have it over with, and it also felt good to actually do it 3 times in one week! Todd also runs on Saturday, and we played tennis as well, and so we are getting a 4th day of physical exercise too. It feels good!

This week, we had a lot of church activities. There was a RS activity Tuesday night, YW and Scouts Wed. night, a marriage class we were asked to attend (haha!) Friday night, and a stake cultural activity Saturday. Needless to say, busy busy! The nice thing about our stake is that if we have stake activities on the weekends, they usually don't schedule youth activities on Wednesday that week. So, I do have next Wednesday evening off, which will be nice.

Friday was kind of special, too. In our district, it was a plan day (no students). But, our school was having its ribbon-cutting ceremony, so we spent the morning preparing and watching that. It was really neat to see the governor, so Army guys from the Department of Defense, some senators, and especially General Seitz, the man our school is named after. It's so neat to actually KNOW your school's namesake! The kids sang some patriotic songs and it was adorable! The mounted cavalry was there, the infantry band, and lots of Army were there and sang the Big Red One song. This picture is of me and my teammies after the ribbon-cutting ceremony was over. We even saw some secret service-like guys patrolling the school was large lumps in their backs, and one of my teammates saw the bomb dogs going around. It was a big deal!

Yesterday was our first trip to Salina for the cultural event and it was really neat to see all the talent we have in our stake! We even sat right behind a girl who acted in a play I stage managed at BYU...she came to my bridal shower right before I graduated! She is related to a family in our new ward...again, small world!

So, there's our weekly wrap-up!

Office

It took me an hour and a half today to go from this:

To this:

Our office is our catchall room (well, that and the dining room table...and the living room coffee table...and the mantel...yeah, I'm not very organized!) Oh, and I'm only showing the half of the room that was the worst!

I figure at least I can see the top of the desk now!

Beautiful Day

Todd and I woke up early this morning and went out and took a walk. Okay, I should amend that entire sentence, because one, it was early for me. 7:30 on a Saturday is like 5:30 the rest of the week. Todd is really good at getting up early, but I woke up at 5:30 and dozed off and on and finally hauled myself out of bed at 7:30. Oh, and I was the one walking, Todd was running :)

Our apartment is right behind the sign in the picture (this pic is from Google, NOT from me!). We live in a neighborhood so on our walk/run, we pass a lot of quiet neighborhoods, a middle school, and we're 4 minutes away from the church, so Todd usually ends up turning around there. The KState stadium is a 20 minute walk down the street. Today our weather was BEAUTIFUL and COOL...it was so perfect!

I have been dying to play tennis, and for some weird reason when the temperature is perfect in Kansas, the wind is usually too strong to play. Today, all conditions were right, and so we headed over to CICO park down the street to play. Todd mentioned that it had been FIVE years since we had played...WOW. The last time we remembered playing was at Ann Morrison Park in Boise. Needless to say, law school was not good for the pursuit of hobbies :)  It was great to get back out and play, and I wasn't as rusty as I thought I would be. We did a warmup, and then played a best out of 7...Todd beat me like he ALWAYS does 4-2. We had some pretty good volleys and so it wasn't so lopsided that it wasn't fun :)

I love Saturday mornings like today!

Familiar

Hmmm...I think the last post came off a little negative. Not that I am ALWAYS positive, but let's get one thing straight: I like Manhattan. It's an adjustment. Every move is. But I continue to feel very blessed even when the road ahead sometimes seems a little fuzzy.

One small victory today. I was driving home from work and thinking back to 6 weeks ago. I didn't know how to get to work, I had to follow someone there the first few times! I got lost leaving my school and wandered Fort Riley until I got back on track. I was nervous about stopping through the gate on post.

Today, as I drove home with the windows down, I was so grateful to just be familiar with my drive home! No worries about getting lost, where the road construction is, which gates are closed and when. I just drove home like it was second nature. It felt good!

It's kind of cool working on a military base. It's a different experience. This is what I've learned so far:

--People usually say "on post" to designate the city of Ft. Riley.
--you have to show your driver's ID when you go through the gates. There are several gates. A few are open 24 hours, but several are only open certain hours. I go through one of the 24-hour ones, so I don't have to worry about turning around! I love being greeted everything morning by a "Good morning, Welcome to Ft. Riley! Duty First!"
--Gas stations and the commisary/PX require military ID. I can't get gas on post. I can grab food at the PX food court, which is like a mall food court, but that's it. So I have to make sure I have plenty of gas! (Ft. Riley is 20 miles away, it's a 35-minute drive).

--Tornado siren goes off at 12 on Fridays here...scared a few of the kids today because it was pretty dark outside when the test siren went off!
--I arrive on base around 7:30. There are tons of soldiers out finishing training...lots of pushups and running. It's only slightly motivating :)
--Don't speed. Apparently the MP's (military police) are scary. I am taking people's word for it. Yes, that means driving 30 mph through most of the base, which goes against my impatient nature, but I am more scared of MP's.
--No cell phones while driving. People are serious here about pulling over to the side of the road to talk.
--Some of the people invited to our ribbon cutting ceremony next week: the Governor, the mayors of JC and Manhattan, Kansas legislators, some generals from the DOD, General Seitz (our school's namesake). They will be wandering through our classrooms next Friday! (okay, mine is on the end of the pod, so people don't tend to make it down my way. Don't mind at all!)

Yep, I've exhausted my knowledge. I am slowly learning about military life, and what it means for our families. I am grateful for those who serve, and really really really grateful Todd is not military. It's purely selfish, but I like having my husband home each night!

Manhattan

I don't know if I've really posted about our move to Manhattan. I would say no, since it's been five weeks since the last post!

Moving has been an adjustment. You don't really know what you miss until it's gone. Even though we didn't move far, it was far enough to completely change everything!

Manhattan is growing on me, slowly but surely. It helps having a "work family" where everyone is also new. I'm so blessed to have this job. It's so different from my last job. It is still challenging, but I haven't gone home wanting to cry yet, and I feel so much more balanced (albeit exhausted, but it's still only September!

 Church is growing on me a little more slowly...I think I cried two out of three weeks after church the first few weeks, and made Todd take me home early once. I lovingly describe our ward as a "zoo." There are so.many.kids. Not that our old ward didn't have a ton of kids, it's just that I knew them all and knew their parents and so for some reason, that made it easier? I don't know. Now that I have a calling and feel like I can fit somewhere, that is helping a lot. People here don't know we are struggling in the kid department. Someone had a conversation with me that included the line, "Well, when you are pregnant, you'll know what I'm talking about." Ugh. I hate those lines.

Anyway, like I said, we are getting used to it. We live in a great location, our apartment is tons better, the laundry situation is so much easier, Todd's commute is 5 minutes, I LOVE working on the army base, we have everything we need. We are sacrificing a lot of wants right now, and we are not where we thought we would be at this stage in our lives, but we have so many blessings.

Here's some photographic evidence of us here in Manhattan :)

My first sewing project here was turning regular white pants into skinny mint pants :)  I did my first dying project and then sewed them up. They aren't perfect, but I liked how they came out. Now I just need to lose some "I just moved, so I don't go anywhere, so I sit at home and eat" pounds, and I'll be good :)

My work friends, the 3rd grade team :) I am the oldest person on our team! EESH! They are super fun girls and so so so easy to work with!

My class. After the initial beginning of the year shuffle, I ended up with 22 kids, 13 boys and 9 girls! I definitely feel the boy/girl imbalance! But they are really sweet (AND REALLY CHATTY), and many of them have parents who are deployed (or they just moved here). I love learning about their lives, and their history!

I commented to Todd that in many of our moves, we have lived within walking distance of the football stadium! Provo-check. Boise-check. Topeka-check. Manhattan-check!

We went to the home opener last night against Missouri State. Loved the purple crowd! It was fun to see the differences between this stadium and others we have been to. I do have to say I am more partial to BYU's "B...Y...U...Cougars!" that they "pass" around the stadium over KSU's cheer. But their mascot, Willie the Wildcat, is pretty fun and reminds me a lot of Cosmo the Cougar :)

Here is the marching band! They have a HUGE band. Oh, and they have BATON TWIRLERS! So cool...those girls are GOOD!

This is Todd and I after the sun went down. We had pretty good seats, but it was 90 degrees so we were both a little toasty! Todd said he felt like he should have been wearing purple too! The Cats ended up winning 51-9, and then there were fireworks after the game, which was so cool!

Last night, we went to Purple Power Play on Poyntz, which is a street fair/pep rally where there are a lot of booths, and then some of the sports teams come up, and the dancers dance, and the cheerleaders cheer, etc. KSU had a high jumper that got a silver medal at the Olympics, so he was there too! There were awesome fireworks as well, and so we got our fireworks fix this year (we missed them on the 4th because we were packing!)

This weekend has been a lot of fun so far, and has helped me feel a little bit more like I'm part of the community. Plus, it's a 3-day weekend, and both Todd and I have it off! Woo hoo!

Nephew Photo Shoot

Had to grab some pictures with my cute nephews before we left. They look much cuter than me, I was dealing with sunburn and a bang-cutting incident! Either way, it was funny trying to get both of them to look (you can see we were unsuccessful).

Before we left, Ari read me a story "Go Dog Go" by P.D. Eastman. He hadn't read it in about a month and either still had it memorized or he was really reading it! He knows all of his letter sounds, and so when there was a word he didn't know, he would try to sound it out! Being a teacher, I was so proud of him!

He also took a stab at drawing pictures of people. He would say, "I don't know how!" and then we would talk about circles for heads, lines for bodies, etc. He added in glasses himself. It was very cute.

He also told me a story about "fans that have hands to grab him" being something that is scary! Oh, the minds of 4-year-olds!

Lake Tobias Wildlife Park

On Thursday, the whole family went to Lake Tobias Wildlife Park, which is this fun little park a guy started on 140 acres 60 years ago or so. His first animals were a wolf, a baby buffalo, and a baby bobcat he brought over in his station wagon from the great state of...Kansas. I can't imagine putting those animals in a car with me! Anyway, it's a really nice park where the animals have lots of space to roam free. Our first stop was to hop on the safari bus and take a trip of the area.

My brother Jacob is 14 and too cool to smile for the camera :)

Just wanna eat those cheeks!

 At 8-point elk that really wanted our crackers! You could feed most of the animals, so that was fun!

 Texas Longhorns!

 The bus threw Ari for a second :)

 Asian water buffaloes.

At the petting zoo, they had this teeny tiny baby goat that was so cute!

After Lake Tobias, we headed to a park and had a great picnic courtesy of my mom. Then, after we'd been home a few hours we got some shish kabobs and my dad grilled them just as a crazy thunderstorm rolled in. After the drought here in Kansas, it was great to see some rain!

Ikea

After our 2nd beach day, we headed up to B-more to Ikea and met up with my mom, sister and nephews. Yes, those boys endured Ikea for THREE hours like champs. Seriously.

The only pictures I got were of the boys and my Mom finishing up their meals. Good times :)

Granny!

While visiting Ocean City, we stayed with my Granny who lives in Ocean Pines, which is only a 10 minute drive from the beach. We got to be there during her birthday, which meant we got to see a few uncles and aunts as well (bonus!)

My Granny turned 92! I have been so blessed to be able have such wonderful, loving, fun Grandma. When we got there, she had my favorite cookies ready to go. I sort of feel guilty eating those cookies because she is getting up there in years, but that's just the kind of person she is...she likes to do for other people!

Here she is blowing out the candles on her Smith Island cake (another Eastern Shore staple). 

Ocean City, MD

I am a beach girl. So you can imagine what it's like being in Kansas (for that matter, being in Utah!) I had been itching to get back to the beach, which we finally did for two wonderful days.

The waves were great, in fact, so great that they were sucking people out into the ocean all day. Not kidding. In all my experience, I have never seen so many lifeguards have to jump into the water and grab people out of the rip currents. In fact, we even had a pow wow so the lifeguard could explain why it was happening so often that day (something to do with the tide changing) and how to see the currents and avoid them. So anyway, it was an exciting day to be at the beach.

I am all squinty because it was SO BRIGHT! I am not complaining that all (I'll let my red skin do the complaining for me). It really was gorgeous. Todd went for the bigger waves, while I wimped out and stayed closer to shore with my boogie board. It was so fun to just lay on and let the waves crash around me. Day 2, the waves were much stronger and bigger and so it wasn't a "relaxing" beach day, but a "keep on your toes" beach day.

We had a great time, and even got our Thrasher's fries (twice), Dolle's and Fisher's popcorn, and saltwater taffy. Some of it came home so we could have a taste of the beach in KS.