The Thomason Travelogue: March 2011

made a minky blanket
sewn a jersey skirt and matching headband
scrapbooked 3 pages of my guatemala trip (yep, I'm TWO YEARS behind in my scrapbooking!)
printed and laminated a bunch of cards for school
made fancy clothespins with modge podge :)
updated my resume
made special K bars
ran to the post office
bought fabric at Jo-Anns
researched some fun end of the year ideas for school (the end is in sight...testing will be over in four weeks!)
spent a lot of time reading craft blogs
watched Leap Year, Invictus, The A-Team, and Knight and Day with Todd (still to go...The Lovely Bones...thank you library!)
slept in every day with the windows open (ahhhh, spring!)
gone to the gym (once! hopefully soon to be twice!)

So, basically I've been doing what any married, stay at home wife would do with no kids and no work: crafting, eating, and sleeping (Okay, so that's what I do as a married, stay at home wife with a husband who doesn't take spring break week off...don't judge!)

Hahaha.

...my kind friend Steph pointed out my, um, "accessories" in the background of my pictures.

So I'm removing the pictures for the time being, hehe :)

And no, they are not still there :)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Today was one of those days where I could have found several things my students did today annoying, but instead I thought, "They're 8!" and then I found it cute. I mean, I'm not really talking about the kids that kicked desks today (2), or the kids that wouldn't line up (2). I'm talking about the kid who said, "Hey, Mrs. Thomason, you're like my mom in GOD'S WAY!" or the one who had an angry face, but then started giggling when I tickled him (works on a few kids!) or the one who really is completely surprised every time he realizes he's talking and shouldn't be (you can tell between those kids and the ones who only feign surprise that I've corrected them because they are not following rules).

Anyway, it was a good day :)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Thank Heavens

I know I've been a downer this last month. Todd has been so kind to me. We've talked a lot about struggles. I know that my reaction to adversity tells a lot about me. I haven't handled it so well these past few months. I've been really negative, and felt really down and unsure of myself.

In the last couple of weeks, I've felt better. I decided that if were going to be measured by how I handled hard things, I had better start handling them better.

These things have helped:

1) Keeping things in perspective. I've had to tell myself that a hard day at work doesn't seem so bad the next day. Next year, I'll barely remember these times. I try to take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and get on with the day. I try to look at those kids that are being so good, and trying so hard and remember them more often.

2)Finishing the Book of Mormon. I read it again. I have a testimony of it. I always find an application to my life when I read it. It's not just something written thousands of years ago. The book is about Jesus Christ. It's helping me feel the Spirit more often.

3) Good friends. I have such good friends here. I am not a very good friend, but they love me anyway. It's nice to have adults to talk to after spending the day with kids.

4) Service. I have been indexing WWII census records for FamilySearch. It makes me feel good to contribute to genealogy work. It's been fun to do records from Pennsylvania and it's so simple and convenient.

5) Of course Todd. He has such a great perspective on work. He knows things do not come easily. He works so hard in school, and sometimes I am hard on him for being gone so often, but I know that his hard work now will be of benefit to us someday. He told me the other night that one of the greatest things Christ taught us was how to struggle. I'm still thinking about that, but I know that when I struggle, Todd is there to talk with me, to let me vent, to rub my back or give me a hug. We are still learning from each other, and I love it. I have a lot to learn from him.

6) Quiet moments. I am trying to have more of them. There are definitely times when I want to turn up the radio and listen to The Script really loudly, but I'm trying to find more time to turn off the TV and Itunes and think. We have a lot of important decisions coming up. I want to be able to hear the Holy Ghost when it whispers to me.

7)The Priesthood. One of the women in testimony meeting today said she was so grateful her husband honors his priesthood. I feel the same way about Todd. I would not have gotten through some of my trials this year without those blessings. They are another way I know that Heavenly Father is watching out for me.

8) Countdowns: Such as: one week until spring break!

2 1/2 months until school is out!

10 more months until Todd graduates!

Birthdays

Here are some quick pictures from our birthdays. My birthday was the highlight of my week, and thank goodness for Todd because I wouldn't have survived my birthday without him!

He got me some delicious chocolate cake, and some other gifts that I had really wanted! We also went to Texas Roadhouse to eat, and it was delish!

For Todd's birthday, we was able to come home after class (did I mention in my earlier post that this is the semester from HECK for him? The universe really is conspiring against us this new year). We had some yummy cinnamon rolls, and he opened a few gifts. We did NOT talk about how old we are, because it's too depressing :) We're like, almost needing walkers now!

The Truth

I don't know if I've really told the truth about my job on my blog this year.

The truth is, I still love teaching.

The truth is, I HATE all the other stuff. And it's really bringing me down. And I've said a lot of prayers for patience this year, and I'm going to need to say more.

You know, the other stuff being: meetings, paperwork for meetings, evaluations, participation in two committees, planning, re-planning, grading papers, arranging groups, rearranging groups, writing behavior plans, checking behavior plans, whatamigonnadotogetthesekidstopassthetest, analzying data, reanalyzing data, using that data to plan small groups, planning for those small groups, planning extra groups for the kids who don't get it, trying to fit in cooperative learning and PBIS, doing SIT paperwork, meeting with students 3 times a week, printing out the probes they are doing to see whether they are making adequate progress, filling out grade cards when we haven't been given any standards for the grades, dealing with that kids behavior problems AGAIN, waking up the students whose parents let them play video games all night, sending the kid who has a stomachache EVERY DAY to the nurse AGAIN, trying to get 8-9 year olds to sit still for 60 minutes with a short break in between while I run four different reading groups every day, and jamming in 120 minutes worth of math in 90 minutes and then going back and figuring out which kids got it and which kids I need to reteach, giving them oral and slate and formative and summative assessments and looking at that data again, when I barely have time to reteach because I'm also supposed to be preparing them for the test AND to learn their multiplication facts.

I can't do this. I can't do this year after year. I don't know how teachers do it for 30 years. In a world where making AYP is everything to administrators, I'm going to burn out. And other good teachers are burning out. And are going to continue to burn out. And if our parents can't do a better job of teaching their students how to behave in society, I'm going to soon spend my entire day teaching behavior, instead of content, which I'm really close to now anyway.

So I told Todd that I'm re-evaluating next year. Next year, Todd graduates and we make a new plan. It may include staying here, it may not. I'm teaching 2011-2012 in this district and re-evaluating afterwards. I love teaching, but I don't agree with the pressure we put on these young students to pass the test. Instead of having them memorize prefixes and suffixes and how to determine which retell answer is the best, I want to teach them to love different authors. I don't disagree with having them take tests, even a state standardized test, but I disagree with its high-stakes elements. One of our administrators said to us the other day that we just HAD to get our SPED kids to pass because if not all of them pass, there's no way our school will pass. Instead of celebrating progress, our higher-ups put pressure on us as teachers because they need more than money-counting skills to pass THE TEST.

How about showing improvement? What happened to that? One of my colleagues was nice enough the other day, when we were chatting about a student still struggling, to tell me that he had been reading at an early first grade level at the end of the last year, and that he had made so much improvement this year in my class. Now he's reading at an early third grade level. He's shown growth. But you know what? When people look at my NUMBERS, which is all my students are during state testing time, they see a score that just doesn't cut it. And when I post the cut scores so my students know them, I get tears because some of them understand that they "haven't made it" and it doesn't feel good.

I also can't handle all the disruptions to my room because of students that have never been taught how to properly handle themselves socially. I have no problems teaching students how to care and respect for each other, and I think to a certain extent that teachers are really important in teaching social behaviors. But I can't handle, day in and day out, the lack of concern for other kids, the bullying and fighting, the attitude and sassiness, the anger that I see from some of my students. There's just no way a behavior plan, and gentle reminders, and class lessons can fix what some students learn is appropriate behavior in the home. And for some of them, the behaviors aren't helped by single-parent households, or deaths and divorces, or by removals from their homes. I know for some of them, they really don't know any better. But without any support, I can't help them. I can't fix them. But I can't teach them either if they are so angry they can't concentrate. Or so unable to deal with their emotions that they lash out at other students in the middle of math. I've had several parents ask me at conferences how to "fix" their kid. Is it really my job now to fix kids? I sure wish I could!

Let me restate. I love teaching. But I want to TEACH. And the less I am able to TEACH, the more I consider a change in the future. I don't know what it will be, but I'm past the guilt of abandoning students who may need my influence (does that sound bad? I don't mean it to sound bad. I have so many kids I love this year. But I can't spend the time on them that I want because I have to watch the kids who can't deal with themselves like hawks). Because I can't be a good influence when the spark is dwindling. When the spark starts to die out, it's time to move on.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

It's just a really long P-word, right?

In guided reading the other day:

Me: Okay, what's this word?

Student: Pr--Pr---Prostitution?

Me: Ummmm, no, it's preposition. Repeat after me "PREP-O-SI-TION"

(A few minutes later)

Student: (Reading) A prr-prostitution...

Me: Nope! It's PREPOSITION!!!

Isn't it sad when a third grader has a schema for "prostitution" but not "preposition"?