Welcome to Holland

When I went to Time Out for Women last year, one of the women spoke about this story, told by Emily Perl Kingsley, who has a child with Down Syndrome. It really resonated with me at the time.

Last night, at the cultural activity, one of the members of the stake created an instrumental piece for his middle/high school band groups, which was inspired by her story. As a recording of the piece played, the story was narrated, along with pictures.

Here is the story:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reservedI am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

So, what does this have to do with me?

Last night, as I listened to the story again, I felt the way Emily did, except my circumstances are different. For me, Holland is not a child with Down's Syndrome, but instead, it's not having children. I really, really want to be in Italy, but I'm learning that Holland is not a terrible place, it's just different. It's not disgusting or filthy...it even has it's own Rembrandts (being able to go someplace whenever you want, whether it's the grocery store or Brazil), it has tulips (being able to work and help our financial situation), and windmills (spending a lot of time with my husband). My whole life I thought I would end up in Italy, but Holland isn't so bad. And people will brag about Italy, and that will be hard for me, and I will feel that loss for as long as this is my trial. But, if I spend all my time feeling sad about Italy, like Emily says, I will forget to enjoy all of the wonderful things about Holland.

So here's to Holland!

Week of Sept. 10th

This week FLEW by!

Todd and I have been trying to work out for the past few weeks. Up until recently, we had been working out when we got home from work. There were a few cons to this: 1) I was starving by the time I got home. It takes me 35 minutes to get from work to home, plenty of time to work up an appetite! 2) We were both really tired after work. 3) We wouldn't get home at the same time, so the person who was left waiting at home got less and less motivated as time passed.

I decided that I wanted to try getting up early in the morning to work out. Todd already gets up pretty early to do his scripture study, so I knew it wouldn't be a problem for him. Me? A WHOLE 'NOTHER STORY! I HATE getting up early. I despise being up before sunrise. But I felt like it would be so much better to get it over with.

So last week, we started. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we woke up early and did our 30-minute workout. It was hard, but it felt SO GOOD to have it over with, and it also felt good to actually do it 3 times in one week! Todd also runs on Saturday, and we played tennis as well, and so we are getting a 4th day of physical exercise too. It feels good!

This week, we had a lot of church activities. There was a RS activity Tuesday night, YW and Scouts Wed. night, a marriage class we were asked to attend (haha!) Friday night, and a stake cultural activity Saturday. Needless to say, busy busy! The nice thing about our stake is that if we have stake activities on the weekends, they usually don't schedule youth activities on Wednesday that week. So, I do have next Wednesday evening off, which will be nice.

Friday was kind of special, too. In our district, it was a plan day (no students). But, our school was having its ribbon-cutting ceremony, so we spent the morning preparing and watching that. It was really neat to see the governor, so Army guys from the Department of Defense, some senators, and especially General Seitz, the man our school is named after. It's so neat to actually KNOW your school's namesake! The kids sang some patriotic songs and it was adorable! The mounted cavalry was there, the infantry band, and lots of Army were there and sang the Big Red One song. This picture is of me and my teammies after the ribbon-cutting ceremony was over. We even saw some secret service-like guys patrolling the school was large lumps in their backs, and one of my teammates saw the bomb dogs going around. It was a big deal!

Yesterday was our first trip to Salina for the cultural event and it was really neat to see all the talent we have in our stake! We even sat right behind a girl who acted in a play I stage managed at BYU...she came to my bridal shower right before I graduated! She is related to a family in our new ward...again, small world!

So, there's our weekly wrap-up!

Office

It took me an hour and a half today to go from this:

To this:

Our office is our catchall room (well, that and the dining room table...and the living room coffee table...and the mantel...yeah, I'm not very organized!) Oh, and I'm only showing the half of the room that was the worst!

I figure at least I can see the top of the desk now!

Beautiful Day

Todd and I woke up early this morning and went out and took a walk. Okay, I should amend that entire sentence, because one, it was early for me. 7:30 on a Saturday is like 5:30 the rest of the week. Todd is really good at getting up early, but I woke up at 5:30 and dozed off and on and finally hauled myself out of bed at 7:30. Oh, and I was the one walking, Todd was running :)

Our apartment is right behind the sign in the picture (this pic is from Google, NOT from me!). We live in a neighborhood so on our walk/run, we pass a lot of quiet neighborhoods, a middle school, and we're 4 minutes away from the church, so Todd usually ends up turning around there. The KState stadium is a 20 minute walk down the street. Today our weather was BEAUTIFUL and COOL...it was so perfect!

I have been dying to play tennis, and for some weird reason when the temperature is perfect in Kansas, the wind is usually too strong to play. Today, all conditions were right, and so we headed over to CICO park down the street to play. Todd mentioned that it had been FIVE years since we had played...WOW. The last time we remembered playing was at Ann Morrison Park in Boise. Needless to say, law school was not good for the pursuit of hobbies :)  It was great to get back out and play, and I wasn't as rusty as I thought I would be. We did a warmup, and then played a best out of 7...Todd beat me like he ALWAYS does 4-2. We had some pretty good volleys and so it wasn't so lopsided that it wasn't fun :)

I love Saturday mornings like today!

Familiar

Hmmm...I think the last post came off a little negative. Not that I am ALWAYS positive, but let's get one thing straight: I like Manhattan. It's an adjustment. Every move is. But I continue to feel very blessed even when the road ahead sometimes seems a little fuzzy.

One small victory today. I was driving home from work and thinking back to 6 weeks ago. I didn't know how to get to work, I had to follow someone there the first few times! I got lost leaving my school and wandered Fort Riley until I got back on track. I was nervous about stopping through the gate on post.

Today, as I drove home with the windows down, I was so grateful to just be familiar with my drive home! No worries about getting lost, where the road construction is, which gates are closed and when. I just drove home like it was second nature. It felt good!

It's kind of cool working on a military base. It's a different experience. This is what I've learned so far:

--People usually say "on post" to designate the city of Ft. Riley.
--you have to show your driver's ID when you go through the gates. There are several gates. A few are open 24 hours, but several are only open certain hours. I go through one of the 24-hour ones, so I don't have to worry about turning around! I love being greeted everything morning by a "Good morning, Welcome to Ft. Riley! Duty First!"
--Gas stations and the commisary/PX require military ID. I can't get gas on post. I can grab food at the PX food court, which is like a mall food court, but that's it. So I have to make sure I have plenty of gas! (Ft. Riley is 20 miles away, it's a 35-minute drive).

--Tornado siren goes off at 12 on Fridays here...scared a few of the kids today because it was pretty dark outside when the test siren went off!
--I arrive on base around 7:30. There are tons of soldiers out finishing training...lots of pushups and running. It's only slightly motivating :)
--Don't speed. Apparently the MP's (military police) are scary. I am taking people's word for it. Yes, that means driving 30 mph through most of the base, which goes against my impatient nature, but I am more scared of MP's.
--No cell phones while driving. People are serious here about pulling over to the side of the road to talk.
--Some of the people invited to our ribbon cutting ceremony next week: the Governor, the mayors of JC and Manhattan, Kansas legislators, some generals from the DOD, General Seitz (our school's namesake). They will be wandering through our classrooms next Friday! (okay, mine is on the end of the pod, so people don't tend to make it down my way. Don't mind at all!)

Yep, I've exhausted my knowledge. I am slowly learning about military life, and what it means for our families. I am grateful for those who serve, and really really really grateful Todd is not military. It's purely selfish, but I like having my husband home each night!

Manhattan

I don't know if I've really posted about our move to Manhattan. I would say no, since it's been five weeks since the last post!

Moving has been an adjustment. You don't really know what you miss until it's gone. Even though we didn't move far, it was far enough to completely change everything!

Manhattan is growing on me, slowly but surely. It helps having a "work family" where everyone is also new. I'm so blessed to have this job. It's so different from my last job. It is still challenging, but I haven't gone home wanting to cry yet, and I feel so much more balanced (albeit exhausted, but it's still only September!

 Church is growing on me a little more slowly...I think I cried two out of three weeks after church the first few weeks, and made Todd take me home early once. I lovingly describe our ward as a "zoo." There are so.many.kids. Not that our old ward didn't have a ton of kids, it's just that I knew them all and knew their parents and so for some reason, that made it easier? I don't know. Now that I have a calling and feel like I can fit somewhere, that is helping a lot. People here don't know we are struggling in the kid department. Someone had a conversation with me that included the line, "Well, when you are pregnant, you'll know what I'm talking about." Ugh. I hate those lines.

Anyway, like I said, we are getting used to it. We live in a great location, our apartment is tons better, the laundry situation is so much easier, Todd's commute is 5 minutes, I LOVE working on the army base, we have everything we need. We are sacrificing a lot of wants right now, and we are not where we thought we would be at this stage in our lives, but we have so many blessings.

Here's some photographic evidence of us here in Manhattan :)

My first sewing project here was turning regular white pants into skinny mint pants :)  I did my first dying project and then sewed them up. They aren't perfect, but I liked how they came out. Now I just need to lose some "I just moved, so I don't go anywhere, so I sit at home and eat" pounds, and I'll be good :)

My work friends, the 3rd grade team :) I am the oldest person on our team! EESH! They are super fun girls and so so so easy to work with!

My class. After the initial beginning of the year shuffle, I ended up with 22 kids, 13 boys and 9 girls! I definitely feel the boy/girl imbalance! But they are really sweet (AND REALLY CHATTY), and many of them have parents who are deployed (or they just moved here). I love learning about their lives, and their history!

I commented to Todd that in many of our moves, we have lived within walking distance of the football stadium! Provo-check. Boise-check. Topeka-check. Manhattan-check!

We went to the home opener last night against Missouri State. Loved the purple crowd! It was fun to see the differences between this stadium and others we have been to. I do have to say I am more partial to BYU's "B...Y...U...Cougars!" that they "pass" around the stadium over KSU's cheer. But their mascot, Willie the Wildcat, is pretty fun and reminds me a lot of Cosmo the Cougar :)

Here is the marching band! They have a HUGE band. Oh, and they have BATON TWIRLERS! So cool...those girls are GOOD!

This is Todd and I after the sun went down. We had pretty good seats, but it was 90 degrees so we were both a little toasty! Todd said he felt like he should have been wearing purple too! The Cats ended up winning 51-9, and then there were fireworks after the game, which was so cool!

Last night, we went to Purple Power Play on Poyntz, which is a street fair/pep rally where there are a lot of booths, and then some of the sports teams come up, and the dancers dance, and the cheerleaders cheer, etc. KSU had a high jumper that got a silver medal at the Olympics, so he was there too! There were awesome fireworks as well, and so we got our fireworks fix this year (we missed them on the 4th because we were packing!)

This weekend has been a lot of fun so far, and has helped me feel a little bit more like I'm part of the community. Plus, it's a 3-day weekend, and both Todd and I have it off! Woo hoo!