Today was a rough Sunday. I worked really hard this week at work, went to a Scout Pack meeting, babysat for a friend, had a field trip, and had a Primary activity. It was very busy, and I was very very stressed by the time the Primary activity was over. I felt it went well. I gave it my best. Sometimes your best is different than at other times. I feel like right now, I can't go crafty crazy and planning crazy. I just don't have the stamina in me to go crazy. The activity was simple, and the speakers turned up (a huge source of drama and concern for me!), and it was over, and I was off to visit a friend who had just had a baby and was in the hospital. I was so thankful when Friday turned over...in fact, we had a PD day, and I was just so content to sit there through 5 hours of meetings and let people talk at me! (Yes, it was that bad, and I usually can't stand PD). I was REALLY looking forward to the weekend!
Yesterday was a really nice day. Todd and I slept in, worked out, and then cleaned up the house, which was long overdue. I am not a domestic goddess, and I really appreciate when he helps out, which he did, even though he had to go into work for a few hours. We went out to eat afterwards, and it was so nice to not think about the to-do list. We started watching "We Bought a Zoo" but didn't get have the energy to make it through, but we finished it today and really enjoyed it. (I would totally live by a zoo if I didn't have to take care of the animals!)
And then Sunday hit. I guess I am selfish, because I really hold Sundays as a major relax/retool for next week. That has changed in the last few months, and I won't go into details, but those times may be over for me for a while! The day gets a little crazy, and even when you aren't conducting/teaching, there is ALWAYS something to do in Primary. However, I always really enjoy the kids and listening to the things they know. I know there are many people out there who find Sundays the opposite of relaxing, so I guess I feel your pain there :)
But someone said something to me at church today that hurt my feelings. And I think it's the stress of the day, and this past week, and these upcoming weeks, but it just made my efforts seem completely unappreciated. I know it wasn't that person's intention, and it's not like I'm going to leave the church (looking at you, Thomas Marsh's wife), but all the same, it just totally took away from the Spirit of the day.
A week ago, someone at work said something to me that took me completely off guard, and it was said in the most rude way. I've tried to move beyond that, but with these two things happening in the last week, it has hurt my "people-pleasing" self. I enjoy getting along with people, and I really try to make good decisions and think about other people when I do things. These two situations really did shake me and hurt me (and reminded me why I work with children and not adults). At the same time, I know I shouldn't have taken either incident personally, because they both seemed to stem from the other person's preferences and prejudices, and not mine, but I felt like I had been placed in a position that I didn't intend to be. I can count on one hand the times where I have felt so uncomfortable and speechless, and having both of these things happen within a week and a half--well, let's just say I'm glad Monday is rolling around again!
I think, too, that Mother's Day is next week, and I hate to talk about infertility in every single blog post, but it is what it is. Mother's Day is really hard for me. I am so grateful to have a wonderful mother, but listening to all of the other moms talk about how wonderful it is to be a mom, and how Heavenly Father trusts them so much, and they have this sacred responsibility---well, while it's all true, and I believe it....it's hard. If I could trade my trials, I would. To top it all off, Todd was asked to give a talk that day. We are laughing about it (and I am SO GRATEFUL it was NOT me...because I think I would've said no), but I freaked out at first because I just knew that I couldn't sit alone on Sunday. I've convinced him to sit with me until he gives his talk, and he has unique perspective on this holiday because of our experiences, but man oh man!
So there it is. We also had a few more doctor's visits and tests, which always kick up the dust of my emotions, and the additions of some poorly placed comments and the stress of everyday life and responsibilities has left me feeling a bit worn down and kicked around.
My next question is then: what now? I am going to be better at saying my prayers this week, and reading my scriptures. I am going to continue to be grateful for my patient and loving husband, who is not a stranger to "being patient in afflictions." I am going to look forward to summer break, and vacations with family. I am going to be positive, and I am going to eat Chipotle and probably work some more on those peanut butter M&M's :)
1 comment:
Hang in there! It will get better-eventually!
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