Disclaimer: Watch out, sometimes I have thoughts that may offend people. But they are MY thoughts, so I guess I don't have to really apologize for having them. I tend to not sugarcoat things (ask Todd, he knows!).
"Wouldn't it be nice to make more money?"
"Wouldn't it be nice to move into a bigger apartment?"
"Wouldn't it be nice to win the lottery?"
"Wouldn't it be nice if Todd were done with law school?
I think some members of the Church (including myself a LOT) tend to define "successful" VERY narrowly. I am learning that owning your own home, having adorably dressed children, driving new cars, being the BEST church gym basketball player, having fabulous hair every Sunday, does NOT successful make. I mean, those things are AWESOME. But obviously, I am not in that stage of life yet (and may never be), and I am OKAY with that. I NEED to be okay with that. Especially the hair part. I don't think I did my own hair until I was 16, and it shows! I digress though, I'm just saying I need to change my own definition of successful to see the good in my life right now.
So now, I need to teach my brain to think things like this more often:
"Isn't it awesome that I still have my job? And that I can work to support our family for a while?"
"Isn't it awesome that Todd and I can have this time to ourselves for a while before we have kids?"
"It's AWESOME I can just CALL maintenance to come fix my apartment problems for me!"
"Isn't it awesome Todd works so hard? And that he's so cute?" (Wait, I DO think that all the time!)
Our talk in Relief Society was about having an attitude of gratitude. I tend to get so frustrated with certain things that I forget how good I have it. I mean, I think its unreasonable to expect to see the good ALL the time (I mean, who knows people like that? Ick.), but I don't want be toxic to myself with all the negativity.
How do you stay positive? How do you see good in people even when the stuff they do ticks you off? Even when everyone else around you defines successful in a totally different way?
I know this whole post probably comes off as irritable and negative, but that's not really how I'm feeling right now. I just don't want to find myself trapped in a definition of "successful" that doesn't fit what Heavenly Father wants for me, ya know?
6 comments:
I don't think it comes across as negative! I think it is a very postitive attitude and a GREAT lesson for me right now! Thanks Megan!
Great post. I had this conversation with some great women a few months ago - what defines success? Especially knowing that we'll have an attorney in the family soon, we'll be expected to be rolling in the dough. Not so - I like our kids knowing that we don't have lots of money now and they should just be used to it.
I think success is just having joy in the present. I got laughed at for our plan to build a garage apartment and live in that debt free until we can afford a real house. It bugged me, but then I realized that we're doing what's best for our family (and going into debt isn't) so I was ok. It actually gave me joy to know that I was being mocked (weird, I know). So just enJOY the here and now. And I think your hairstyle is WAY better than mine any day :)
::WARNING:: LONG COMMENT
You know ... I've always thought your hair was cute and that you style it very well. It's funny to learn that you think the opposite.
How do I stay positive? My answer seems cliche, but here it is, just the same. I LOOK AT EVERYTHING AS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE. For example ... I had strep throat last weekend and am currently on another round of antibiotics. In my miserableness (and during a bawl/self-pity session), I called my best friend and she and I tried to translate Heavenly Father's reasons for me being sick every other week over the past 3-4 months. We decided on two reasons, 1. To help me learn I can do it alone and can stay away from family after Law School or 2. To help me learn I need my family and need to move closer to them after Law School ... I don't expect the answer to be that simple or to understand Heavenly Father's reasoning, but - both are positive and both helped me get over myself and deal with my situation.
It's hard for me to see good in people despite their faults, so I won't comment too much on that one. I will say this ... In the past, I've searched out someone who could tell me all things positive about the person with whom I struggle. That usually works.
As for defining success ... I just ignore what people say - literally. Money does not equate to happiness in my book. Neither do appearances. If John and I (and our children) have everything we NEED and still LOVE and WANT to be around each other, we're successful. I think that's why people struggle ... they fill their lives with fluff and neglect what is necessary. I'm happiest (and in my eyes, most successful) when I do the things that bring John and I closer to each other and closer to our children. That's all.
I loved your comments...and I loved the lesson on Sunday. I thought it was eye opening. I think success and gratitude go hand in hand. You feel successful when you have gratitude. You see the good things in your life and you can feel success from that...not needing all the other fluff that so many think you need to feel success. If you feel unsuccessful, it's time to make a list. Start listing the good things in your life...even if it's something so stupid (like you passed up a cookie, or didn't scream 5 times today, only 4, the great guy you're married to that actually wanted to be with you, and still wants to...those are some of my little successes). Enough of my little ramblings. Your comments were very well said.
Dahlia...you doing your garage thing is AMAZING!! Debt free home...you've got it!!!
Hey Megan! I just found your blog. It is fun to see! We have a blog too, but it's private. If you want to send me your email address to wgarrick@comcast.net, I will add you!
i love you. i don't think you're that negative at all. I certainly have those "if only" thoughts in my head too. And as much criticism as we've gotten for not having ninos yet, I wouldn't trade 5 years of Mark to myself for anything. I think we'll be MUCH better parents and companions because of it. I'm the one that has to live with that outcome, not anyone else. As for ideas on staying positive, a gratitude list will do wonders. Just a simple list of 10 things at the end of the day with no repeating items for a few weeks can make a HUGE difference in outlook.
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