I have been thinking a lot about nerves lately. Not the "they're getting on my nerves" kind (I mean, I have thought a lot about that, too, darn fifth graders!) But the butterflies in your stomach, makes you want to puke feeling, kind of nerves.
Even though teaching is kind of second nature to me now, and I feel fairly confident watching over unruly, needy and dependent 10 year olds, I still get totally nervous when I'm being watched. I had an observation today (hopefully my last for a little while), and I did okay until a few minutes before when it started to sink in--that "I think I might be sick" feeling. And I felt okay about the lesson! Of course, as soon as its over, I feel better.
My nerves have really gotten the best of me this semester. In fact, my nerves were so horrible one time that I requested a priesthood blessing. I literally couldn't continue with a normal life without it! If you saw me at Book Club in the Sherwood Ward last time, you saw nerves. You saw the "I can't sleep, can't stop thinking about it, what could go wrong? EVERYTHING. Maybe I'll get sick" nerves. I think I hid it well though.
The time I can remember that I was MOST nervous was when I took an acting class at BYU. I may have been a theater major, but I HATED acting. I HATE getting up in front of people and acting. Giving a talk? No problem. Teaching a lesson? Easy peasy. Doing a presentation? Cake walk. But acting? I wanted to die. I didn't want to embarrass myself. I was in a classroom full of people who LIKED to act, and were good at it. I had a really intimidating professor (good, but intimidating. He continued to intimidate me when I stage managed his play). I think I shook the entire day when I had to do a monologue or scene. To this day, I'm grateful that was the only acting class I ever had to take. Acting=nerves.
So those are some things that make me nervous. What makes you nervous?
4 comments:
I'm glad you made it through the observation ... Meeting new people makes me nervous. To the untrained eye, I'm okay, but inside I'm a wreck. I think things like: will they like me, what if I say something dumb, what if they think I'm annoying ... Yeah, meeting new people makes me nervous.
I have to admit, I still get nervous being observed by my administration. Even after 3 years of teaching at the same school!
I definitely know what you mean when it come to nerves on one particular topic. I get those same nerves that you describe when I have to give a talk in church. I don't know why because I've done it a billion times, but I still get so nervous that my stomach aches. On top of the that, I tremble and shake and I don't know how to control it. Hopefully your observation went well though.
I remember getting really nervous before swim meets...most recently I was crazy nervous for job interviews, because I was convinced that I wouldn't be able to get a job, and then we'd be poor, and I'd be working at maceys...but everything worked out in the end :-)
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