Refining Fire

Last night, I was driving home among burning fields again. It's that time of year for the farmers and so the smell of smoke tends to hang in the air anytime the wind is low.


I always get a little nervous driving through it because fire is a little unpredictable. They had to close the highway once because the smoke got too thick for people to see. Every once in a while, you'll see an alert on one of the digital road signs warning you of burning up ahead and to pull over if it gets too thick.

Yesterday as I came up on a huge plume of smoke, I was taking time to admire the fields. I think it is so cool to see the green shoots pop up through the black ash that's been left behind. I think it's an amazing miracle that life works that way, fire creating growth. My dad was a firefighter when I was younger, so for the longest time I associated fire with destruction. When I learned fire can be used to create life, it was a little mind-boggling to me. In springtime in Kansas, I see the fire working its magic so the plants below can reach the sun.

My route yesterday took me directly past the burning fields. Usually they are farther out, but the fire was clear, only a fence, a ditch, and a strip of grass separated me from the fire. For some reason, it didn't bother me, maybe because I was deep in thought, maybe because fire up close is pretty mesmerizing.

As I watched the fire, a song on my playlist very dear to me was playing. I know lots of people feel the Spirit when they listen to music, I know that's true for me. In this particular case, it wasn't a song one might consider specifically religious, or even spiritual, but as I passed the fire, and felt the emotions of the song, I thought about fire as it relates to my life. (Also, I have a soundtrack in my head during most of my "deep" thoughts, music helps me think!)

A lot of times in the gospel, we use the term refiner's fire, and we often refer to experiences that cleanse, purify, or sanctify us. We often pass through a refiner's fire on our way to becoming better.

The flames made me reflect on experiences in my life, and why we are asked to pass through hard things. The fire reminded me of a quote from Wendy Nelson, who spoke at BYU when I was there, and who left an impression on my heart as she spoke about not marrying until she was much older, and how much of a challenge that was for her in her life. She is quoted as saying, “Some of the most heart-wrenching, discouraging events in our lives—from which we long to be set free—are actually designed to prepare us with the very skills and understanding [God] needs us to have. As we draw closer to the Lord and put our total trust in Him, in His power, and in His timing, we can leave our fires of affliction more pure, more refined, and with more skills and understanding.” 

I have to admit I had been feeling a bit sorry for myself this weekend. We were really busy on Saturday, and I missed watching conference. Sunday morning I was completely exhausted and slept for four hours in the middle of day, missing another session. I was feeling exhausted, sore, frustrated, tired of trials that seem never-ending, upset about missing conference, and upset with having to leave my husband behind again. I was wallowing, longing to be set free as Sis. Nelson put it...an absolute natural response to things in our lives that we have no control over.

As I was trying to talk myself out of my yucky mood, I played some good music and watched the fire burning as I passed. I reminded myself that the "fire" in my life--those hard things--are there because I am meant to come out better for it. I believe trials are designed for our benefit, as long as our attitude is one of faith. Watching the fire burn, feeling the Spirit, seeing the tiny shoots sprout upward, I was reminded that I can be BETTER despite the hard things in my life. I reminded myself to look towards the good to remember that Heavenly Father's plan for us is better than the plan we have for ourselves. I need to continually have trust in His power and timing.

So, on that note, and the fact that I am also trying to be grateful, I'll leave off with some pictures that make me happy!